THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF APOLOGIZING TO YOUR LADY (Asylum.com)

• What's Done Is Done: "Do NOT apologize to her for things you did before you were in a relationship with her," advises Laurie Puhn, a family lawyer-mediator and author. "Past acts were not intended to harm your current girlfriend in any way, so do not let her guilt you on your past."
• The "Oops, I Had a One-Night Stand" Apology: So you're out without your buddy, funneling Jagermeister down your throat as if your life depended on it, and suddenly it's 8 o'clock in the morning and you're groaning awake next to a stranger who isn't wearing any clothes. First, get some tests from your doctor. If your next step is to apologize to your girlfriend, don't expect that to go to well. "He should be 100 percent prepared for a breakup," Puhn says. "Cheating is very hard for a couple to truly get over and if you're not married yet, then most likely she's out the door." Also, ask yourself, do you really want to stay with her? Being in a relationship means you decide to stop looking for someone better."
• Some Things May Be Better Left Unsaid: But what if your little diversion from faithfulness didn't involve much more than a drunken make-out session in the back of a dive bar? For Dr. Seth, an L.A.-based clinical psychologist and relationship expert, the need to apologize enters more of a gray area: "Because everyone is capable of making a mistake, be sure to evaluate the reasons why you want to tell your partner about the transgression. Sometimes, the memory of a transgression can haunt the person you hurt and make her insecure when you go out in the future. You want to strike a balance of honesty and protection of your partner's feelings."
• Skip Starbucks, Be a Man: "The more important the transgression, the more privacy is needed," says psychologist and life coach Dr. Amy Johnson. "I've seen men do just the opposite -- admit to an affair in a crowded coffee shop thinking they'll be spared the angry outbursts and tears if they are in public. These guys are acting selfishly and are complete wimps! Give her the privacy she deserves and the opportunity to express any emotions she needs to, in private. Confessing in public will only lead to embarrassment for both of you."
• Let Her Chew You Out: "Men often make the mistake during an apology scenario in which they don't give their partner the chance to talk," Dr. Seth says. "She may need a little time to vent her feelings and tell her side, so make sure your apology leaves room for a two-way conversation, not an apology monologue." We advise playing it calm and cool.
• Keep Buts Out of It: Johnson stresses a vital rule: "NEVER say, 'I'm sorry, but...' Men and women are both guilty of this -- the 'but' completely counteracts the 'I'm sorry.'
• Admit you were wrong. Even if you both made mistakes in the situation, your apology is about owning up to your part in the issue. It's not a time to remind her that she was also wrong or defend yourself in any way."
• Apologize Empty-Handed: Don't show up at your 'sorry' session bearing flowers or a necklace. "If you cheat on your wife and later admit it to her, she doesn't want flowers with your apology -- what she wants is for you to not have cheated," advises Dr. Seth.

FAT PEOPLE LOSE BRAIN TISSUE: Obese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than those who maintain a healthy weight. Paul Thompson, a UCLA professor of neurology who authored the study, said, "That's a big loss of tissue and it depletes your cognitive reserves, putting you at much greater risk of Alzheimer's and other diseases that attack the brain." Furthermore, it was found that the parts of the brain obesity shrinks include areas critical for planning, memory and movement. Being even slightly overweight can knock off as much as 4 percent of one's overall brain mass.

WHAT DAYS ARE BEST FOR WHAT TASKS? (Telegraph)

Researchers at the University of Vermont analysed 2.4 million blogs and internet messages to find out which days of the week we love the most by counting the number of positive and negative words used. The findings show Sunday is our favorite day with our worst day being Wednesday.

MONDAY

• Research shows that Mondays are our the second happiest day as we are still upbeat from the weekend.
• Mondays are a good day to invest in the stock market but a bad day for staying alive.
• Shares on a Monday tend to move in a similar direction as Friday making it easier to predict price changes.
• A fifth more deaths happen on a Monday and it is the most common day to die of a heart attack.

TUESDAY

• Tuesdays are a good day to update blog pages but a bad day for sex.
• The most hits on blog pages are recorded on Tuesdays.
• We have the least sex on Tuesdays according to an NOP health survey.

WEDNESDAY

• Wednesdays are a good day to ask for a pay rise but a bad day for driving.
• In a survey of 1,500 bosses, most revealed they were more receptive to requests a Wednesday. On Mondays they are too busy preparing for the week ahead and by Thursday and Friday they are thinking about the weekend.
• Most traffic accidents happen on Wednesdays according to vehicle management firm Velo. It came to this conclusion after analysing 55,000 insurance claims.

THURSDAY

• Thursdays are good to give up smoking but bad for rain.
• Your willpower is strong for the first few days which helps you get through the weekend.

FRIDAY

• Fridays are good to sack someone but bad for earthquakes.
• Judi James, a business consultant, says Mondays are a bad day to tell someone they are fired because they only take the negative message. But on a Friday the words may not be as wounding and he or she may even agree it is time to look for another job.
• Half of the worst earthquakes in history struck on a Friday, including one that killed 30,000 in Gujarat, India, and 2003's in Bam, Iran, that left 40,000 dead.

SATURDAY

• Saturdays are a good day to have a baby but a bad day for drinking.
• Babies born on Saturdays have a better than average chance of becoming Prime Minister. Of 20 British leaders elected since 1900, six were born on a Saturday including Harold Wilson, Stanley Baldwin and Anthony Eden.
• The number of people admitted to hospital for alcohol poisoning increases by two-thirds on Saturdays, the British Medical Journal revealed.

SUNDAY

• Sundays are a good day to communicate but bad for cooking.
• A third more people opened their personal emails on a Sunday compared with a busy weekday, according to new research.

PEOPLE MULTI-TASK ON TOILET: A poll reported on in Britain's Telegraph found that more than a third of respondents said they had sent a text message while on the toilet, 33 percent admitted they had conducted a telephone conversation and 7 percent revealed they had searched the internet. Some respondents passed the time during their bathroom visits by thinking about their next meal (14 percent) or even eating or drinking (6 percent), according to the research. A total of one percent said their multi-tasking extended to sending Twitter updates.

• What do you do on the toilet?
• Do you think it's inappropriate to have a conversation when you're in the bathroom?
• Would you hang up with someone if you realized that's what they were doing?
• What's worse: talking on the phone or eating while on the toilet?

iPOD INDICATES PERSONALITY: Scrolling through someone's iPod can tell you a lot about their personality, a new study claims. Researchers from Cambridge University found jazz lovers are creative, rock fans are rebellious, classical music aficionados are intellectual and pop listeners are sociable. And by stating a preference for a musical style, many of us appear to use it as a 'badge' to tell people about our personality and values. Dr Jason Rentfrow said, "This research suggests that, even though our assumptions may not be accurate, we get a very strong impression about someone when we ask them what music they like."

TIPS ON GETTING TATTOOS

You made it through a long, hard week. Why don't you celebrate by going out and getting a tattoo?

Sure, tattoos hurt. But, the pain is tolerable -- and how you react to that pain will determine the type of experience you will end up having.

Here are some tips to help you have a great tattoo experience:

1. Light Meal -- Eat a light meal before you go to the tattoo studio. This will help you from feeling queasy and, maybe, passing out.

2. Go Alone -- Having a bunch of buddies around might cause you to lose concentration and overreact to the pain. If you feel the need to bring support, choose one close friend.

3. Sit Still -- Moving around while getting your tat is a big problem. It'll cause you more pain and increase the odds of your tattoo artist screwing up your design.

4. Arrive Sober -- Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs is not going to help the pain. It will make your tattoo experience a negative one. Most professional tattoo artists will refuse service you if you attempt to be tattooed while wasted.

PALM READING? TRY BUTT READING: Rumpology is the 'art' of reading one's future or fortunes by studying the lines, crevices, folds and other particulars found on one's bare rear end. The most high-profile proponent and practitioner of rumpology is Jackie Stallone, actor Sly's mother, who offers the allegedly "ancient" service by the modern means of PayPal; after emailing her a close-up photo of your rump and $125 she will divine your future and send you a report of her findings.

AGGRESSIVELY APOLOGETIC

A 55-year-old man was arrested at a Salisbury, Massachusetts, police department a day after he brought the station coffee as an apology.

The apology was for an incident back in 1997 where he tore up the station and threatened officers. He was arrested the next day for pretty much the exact same thing.

William Thomson threatened an officer, punched a Breathalyzer machine and tried to flood his jail cell.  He was formally charged with drunken driving and resisting arrest.

PEOPLE HANDLE INSULTS BETTER LYING DOWN: Asylum.com reports that people handle insults better when they are in a prone position. Researchers at Texas A&M didn't tell students in a study that they were measuring anger, and had them listen to a recording of a voice disparaging their intelligence. Half of the group did so while sitting in a chair, and the rest lying on a bed. All were hooked up to a brain scan. While both groups got equally angry, the seated students showed more activity than the bed bound participants in the part of the brain linked to "approach motivation" -- meaning "doing something about it."

ANNOYING SLANG WORDS (Lemondrop.com)

Cheers!

• Unless you are from England, making a toast with an actual cocktail in your hand, or talking about the hit TV show, you should not use the word "Cheers." It is not how an American ends an email or a conversation on the phone. It is a lame attempt to sound like you've been somewhere outside of the United States. The same goes for "Ciao."

Literally

• So many people use the word "literally" when they are not being literal. Perhaps it is an attempt to sound educated or something. If you say something like, "I'm literally going to kill him!" You better "literally" have a knife in your hands.

LOL

• It's the easiest way to express in a status update, instant message, or email that you find something humorous but people forget what it means. LOL means that you are laughing out loud. Unless you are actually LAUGHING OUT LOUD you have no business typing LOL. You can't use LOL just because something amuses you, you have to be "literally" laughing out loud.

I'm like ... I'm all ... like ...

• When recounting a conversation I've had with someone I'm all "I'm all." When I hear it coming out of my mouth I cringe. It's complete and utterly embarrassing ... instead of saying, "I said blah blah blah, and then she said blah blah blah," we resort to "I'm all ... and then she's all ... " It sounds horrible.

It's all good.

• People who use this phrase are afraid of intimacy. Rather than getting to the heart of the actual matter, they gloss over bumps in the road with phrases like "it's all good." It's a way of avoiding further conversation and human interaction. It's a conversation ender. It's also far more meaningful to say something like, "That's OK, I forgive you." "It's all good" is a way to avoid actually dealing with the real issue at hand.

My bad

• Saying "My bad" is a way of avoiding admitting that you actually may have made a mistake or been mistaken. It's a way of taking blame without actually being accountable for your actions. Most of all, it's lazy. If you have made a mistake or been mistaken, it is far more meaningful to say, "I am so sorry, I made a mistake. How can we fix the situation to avoid this kind of thing from happening in the future?" When you hear someone say "My bad" you are completely justified in punching them in the face.

BRITISH WOMEN PREFER FAT, SMELLY MEN: A poll of 5,192 women by Lion Bar Ice Cream found that 80 percent of British ladies would rather be with a "real" guy, than one who waxes his body and frosts his tips. Furthermore, one in five admitted they liked a man with a bit of BO, and 10 percent even copped to lusting for guys who smell like beer. Lion Bar's spokesman said, "British blokes can wear their Speedos with pride, even if they have a bit of belly."

WOMAN SET TO MARRY AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE

A 33-year-old Pennsylvania woman is set to marry the love of her life ... an 80-foot swinging pendulum ride called 1001 Nachts.

Amy Wolfe will change her last name to Weber after the ride's manufacturer.

She fell in love with the ride when she was just 13 claiming that she was "instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally." She travels 160 miles 10 times a year to visit the contraption at Knoebels Amusement Park in Elysburg, Pennsylvania.

When she's not "with" the ride she carries spare nuts and bolts with her so she can feel closer to it.

"I'm not hurting anyone and I can't help it," says Wolfe of her odd choice in a mate. "It's a part of who I am."

(Originally reported by telegraph.co.uk)

ADVICE FOR GUYS. 9 SIMPLE THINGS WOMEN WANT

Turns out we women are a lot easier to please than guys might think. In fact, when polled, most women wanted 9 reasonably simple things -- and you won't find any diamond rings or fancy gifts on this list. Check it out ...

1. Respect. You don't have to agree mindlessly with us, just show us that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate ... and you'll be golden.

2. Romance. Just because life gets routine doesn't mean the romance should evaporate. Simple things like lighting a few candles, date nights, or a random bunch of flowers keep the romance alive and keep the relationship happy.

3. Time. Making us a priority says love louder than fancy gifts and diamond rings. Sometimes that's as simple as helping around the house. If you get home first, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? Chances are little things like this will earn you a big smooch and some major points.

4. Dinner. We'll swoon over a home-cooked welcome home -- it doesn't have to be complicated or fancy ... just the gesture of making a meal is HUGE.

5. Communication. Tell us you love us. C'mon, you do -- so say it once and a while. And while you're at it tell us we're beautiful ... tell us you loved the lasagna or noticed how clean the bathroom was. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just speak.

6. Consistency. Not boring and predictable. Not perfect. Just make things like love and support non-negotiable. You can still be mad and love someone at the same time. Love and support should be absolutes.

7. Engagement. We said "no diamond rings" on this list, and we meant it. This is engagement of the mental kind. You don't have to like the same things -- just show some interest in our passions. Listen when we talk (shocking, we know). And try to remember the little things (like our best friend's name or the fact that we hate Steven Seagal movies).

8. Humor and Humility. Oh sure, it's "two things" but, hey, women made this list! Besides, these two tend to go hand in hand. We don't need a personal entertainment center -- but an ability to laugh at yourself is essential.

9. Challenge. Challenge us to achieve our goals ... and we should do the same for you! Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable.

DEAD UNTIL PROVEN UNDEAD

Medics in Baltimore, Maryland, have come under fire after they mistakenly declared a burglary suspect dead when he was, in fact, still alive.

Fifty-one-year-old Michael Quarles was shot after he lunged at a police officer with a screwdriver. Responding EMS technicians pronounced Quarles dead at the scene.

But 30 minutes later, cops noticed that the supposedly dead man was still moving. He was taken to a local hospital and is in critical condition.

The medics have been re-assigned pending an investigation into the incident.

(Originally reported by the AP)

HE'S A POLICE OSSIFER

A 47-year-old police officer in San Antonio, Texas, has been suspended after he drunkenly took his cruiser on a joyride and tried to pull over law-abiding drivers.

Lieutenant Arthur MacCubbin was riding with three other drunk men in his cruiser and randomly flashing his lights when local residents began to phone in complaints.

MacCubbin's pals were busted for public intoxication and MacCubbin was taken to jail for Driving While Intoxicated. He apparently won the precinct's "Deputy of the Year" award in 2006.

(Originally reported by kens5.com)

SIGNS YOU'RE TOO NICE (AskMen.com)

Do nice guys really finish last when it comes to dating? Sometimes yes, because when you're too nice, people tend to take advantage of you. Whether you're pursuing a woman or you've already got one, when you're too nice it can prevent you from having the relationship you really want. Women appreciate a gentleman, but they don't respect pushovers. Here are some of the signs, according to AskMen.com

1. You're too respectful - In most social situations, good manners and respect for other people will get you pretty far. But, being too respectful between the sheets is one of the signs you're too nice. In the bedroom, women appreciate spontaneity, assertiveness and a sense of adventure. They don't like it when you're delicate or tentative.
2. You're too interested - If you're unfailingly interested by every little thing your wife or girlfriend does, it's another sign you're too nice. If you abandon your aspirations, neglect your interests and bail on your friends just so you can concentrate all of your energy on your relationship, chances are your relationship is doomed to fail.
3. You're too complimentary - Being too complimentary is another one of our signs you're too nice. Every woman loves to be complimented, but every woman also wants your compliments to be genuine. Once you start telling her how beautiful she is six times a day, the words lose all meaning.
4. You're too understanding - It's a fact of life: Some people suck, and even good people do bad things from time to time. Trying to "understand" another person's point of view as he or she walks all over you isn't tolerant; it's spineless. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Most importantly, if your partner sees other people walking all over you, she'll walk all over you too -- that is, until she walks out on you.
5. You're too cheerful - The last of our signs you're too nice has to do with your mood. If you're smiling and cheery all the time, you're too nice. Everyone gets pissed off once in a while. More to the point, sometimes anger is a completely justifiable response. Getting angry or upset at appropriate times isn't a sign of instability; it's a sign you're a man.